I've not got my car as you will know.. I'm still trying to come to terms with that.. I had to attend the hospital on Tuesday for a scan.. and had to get the bus.. God all the planning that has to go into that is astounding! I also felt really sick with the travelling by bus.. so I will have to invest in some travel sickness cure if I want to get out and about!

Time seems to go much slower without a car though.. and it's actually very pleasant in a weird sort of way... When I had the car I always felt like I was rushing around here and there and when I wasn't doing that I was feeling guilty and thinking I 'should' be visiting folk!! always busy.. rushing or stressing about rushing.. but now I've none of that.. and I've ground to a halt..

I'm going to try and go with the stopping.. not resisting it by trying to keep busy doing stuff.. cause I want to see where it goes.. It's like meditating (which I have dabbled with a lot in the past).. in the standing still you sense the moment.. the now.. and the depth of it..

My life has been leading to this for a wee while now... I've loved the hymns at church that talk about the silence or stillness.. and when I went to see a saxaphone quartet at St Andrews Uni last year it was the silence at the end of a tune which seemed to jump out at me.. and I loved it.. even my 'boyfriend' John.. the thing that I love about him is his serenity.. and I feel it in his presence.. he is unflappable.. other than that we are complete opposites in every way!!

I've had to be still before.. and from that came a greater connection to the world.. to folk.. and I'm hoping the same will happen this time... It also it great for creating works of art.. the bleakness and emptiness inspires me to paint and write poetry and stuff.. so we'll see where it goes.. that's the point though.. just going with the flow.. not trying to direct it..